How Being Adopted Sparked My Entrepreneurial Spirit

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Entrepreneurship has been art of my heart and soul since I was a kid.  It recently crossed my mind that maybe adoption prepared me for entrepreneurship in some way.  Maybe it prepared me for the adversity?  Maybe it gave me a hunger for doing things differently?  Maybe it made me more able to face rejection?

I thought about it a bit and shared my thoughts on America Adopts!  Check it out here.  Share with anyone you think might relate and please give me your thoughts!  Can being an adopted kid really influence your career choice?

And remember to support That Adopted Girl in creating self-worth empowerment events for girls in the foster care system by sharing on social media and making donations (100% of which go towards the organization) at thatadoptedgirl.com/donate.

All the best,

J

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Why Thor’s “He’s Adopted” Line Is Golden

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Some people were offended by Thor’s “he’s adopted” line.

I have learned that sections of the adopted, adoptive parent population can be rather touchy on the subject.

It may be because I had an open adoption, it may be because I have been in therapy for 14 years, it may be because I have a chronically positive mindset, it may be because I have academically researched adopted kids.

I think this line is GOLD.

Here’s why:

1. Adopted kids need therapy.

Loki killed 80 people in 2 days.  That is not normal adopted kid behavior.  It brought to light that adoption does have a psychological impact.  It’s not being adopted, but rather being “given up” that causes the most psychological struggle.  And then there are some actually physiological aspects.  Whatever the cause, adopted kids need to be helped through their struggles and I think that using “he’s adopted” as an explanation for such extreme behavior was gold because extreme and over the top terms get people to pay attention!

2. Relatable to the silently suffering

There are adopted kids who struggle emotionally, have thoughts they don’t share for various reasons and they don’t have anyone to talk to about their feelings, leaving them feeling like they are alone.  No one likes feeling alone in a struggle.  Not that misery loves company, but rather that talking about issues helps heal them.  So, if an adopted kids hears this line and is able to find the good in it, it’s like, “oh thank goodness I’m not the only crazy one.”

3. Thor claims Loki as a brother THEN says “he’s adopted”

Saying “he’s my brother” and “he’s adopted” so close together shows that adoptive family is real family.  Ya, so Loki killed 80 people in 2 days. That doesn’t mean that Loki being adopted somehow gives Thor an out from being his brother, an out that people wouldn’t assume were Loki biologically related.

See?  A simple “He’s adopted” got people talking, acknowledge psychological impact of adoption, related to adoptees who silently struggle and affirmed that adoptive family is real family.

Bam.

xoxo

That Adopted Girl

2 Indisputable FACTS about Foster Care

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Thank You Guys For Not Giving Me Daddy Issues

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Yes, I am posting about Father’s Day the day after Father’s Day.  This speaks only to my tendency to disregard oncoming holidays until the day of, and then, oops, they pass.

Since it is the day after I will make this quick and then simply share a video with you .  I couldn’t let the day pass without at least showing some gratitude to the Universe for the story it has created for me.

Universe, I am grateful for the abundance of fathering you have granted me.

I have my dad who worries like crazy but only because he loves me and wants to make sure that everything is good, as it should be, at all times.

Then, I have my birth dad.  So many times in adoptions the birth dad is unknown, much less present throughout the life of the adopted child.  My birth dad did not want to raise a child but he says that from the very beginning he knew he would be part of my life.  Hence the open adoption arrangement.

Together, I thank them both.  For whatever other issues I may have, at least I don’t have daddy issues and I have them to credit for that.

Best Adoption Story Ever.

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This adoption story was presented to me as the best adoption story ever.  “Ya, right,” I thought. “How many times have  I heard that?”

After binge watching all 4 seasons of ONCE I was pretty certain I had seen the best adoption story ever. 

I was wrong.

This is the best adoption story ever.  

Really, most adoption stories are pretty great.  This one simply stands out due to it’s actual uniqueness among adoption stories.

It speaks to human rights on more than one level.  Not only the right to family, but the right to love.

It lacks the magic of an orphan child finding a home with loving parents.  Instead it shows that there is magic in adoption beyond bonding parent and child. It shows that the magic of adoption is really all about creating family against all odds.

Macklemore says,”When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless.  Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen” in his song Same Love.

It turns out that adoption is kind of a rebellious badass because while everyone was more comfortable remaining voiceless about gay marriage, adoption was standing up for humans who had their rights stolen.  Adoption was standing up for the human right to LOVE.   Not just a human right, but a human necessity.

THE STORY
FROM FATHER & SON TO MARRIED COUPLE

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Norman MacArthur, left, and Bill Novak were married on Sunday after spending more than a decade as father and son. (Photo: Matt slocum/AP Photo) 

A couple who were legally father and son for the last fifteen years had their adoption vacated and were married this week after 52 years together.

Norman MacArthur, 74, and Bill Novak, 76, were married in Pennsylvania on Sunday. The couple, who has been together since their 20s, registered as domestic partners in New York City in 1994, but in 2000 they moved to Erwinna, Penn., where domestic partnerships are not legally recognized. “When we moved to Pennsylvania, we had both retired and we were of the age where one begins to do estate planning,” MacArthur tells Yahoo Parenting. “We went to a lawyer who told us Pennsylvania was never going to allow same-sex marriage, so the only legal avenue we had in order to be afforded any rights was adoption.”

MacArthur says he thought the suggestion was strange at first. “It struck me as fairly unusual, but we looked into it and discovered that other couples had done it. [Without the adoption] we would be legally strangers.” An adoption would grant the couple certain legal rights they felt compelled to secure. “Most importantly, it would allow us visitation rights in a hospital, and gaining of knowledge if one of us was in the hospital,” he says. “With new HIPAA privacy laws, hospitals are very constrained in what they can say to other people. If we were legally related, I would be allowed into the ER and entitled to know what Bill’s condition was if anything should happen.”

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Bill Novak, left, adopted Norman MacArthur in 2000 in order to secure legal rights. Today, the two are married. (Photo: Matt slocum/AP Photo)

So in 2000, the two went through with a legal adoption. Since both men’s parents were dead, the adoption proceeding was fairly easy. “It wasn’t as though I was replacing one parent with another,” MacArthur says. “I was the son and Bill was the father. Bill is two years older than I am, so that was the only reason.”

Hayley Gorenberg, deputy legal director at Lambda Legal, says that while adoptions like these aren’t common, they aren’t unheard of, either. “It reflects people’s deep need to protect each other as family, and the attempt to use law that obviously isn’t a perfect fit to their situation to protect each other,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. “While we’ve had a patchwork nation and people have been desperate to take care of each other in some basic way legally, people have sometimes gotten creative to do what they need to do to protect each other as a family. It’s entirely understandable.”

But when Pennsylvania’s marriage laws, which prohibited same-sex marriage, were declared unconstitutional last year, MacArthur and Novak wanted to marry. “As marriage equality, which we’ve fought so hard for, is becoming more available, it makes sense that people would pursue the legal option that more closely explains who they are to each other,” Gorenberg says. “Marriage is the better fit, and if it was available without discrimination, it is what they would have chosen originally.”

The couple’s original lawyer told them that no court would dissolve an adoption unless another person adopted MacArthur. “I said, ‘that makes no sense to me,’ so we began to look around for other options,” he says. Terry Clemons, a lawyer MacArthur knew through volunteer work on the township’s land preservation movement, suggested that the courts might look favorably on a petition to vacate an adoption if it was made clear that the only reason for the original adoption was to give a legal underpinning to the relationship.

The couple went to court on May 14 in hopes the judge would sign the petition to vacate their adoption so they could get legally married. “When we went to court my knees were knocking, but at the end of the hearing Terry said, ‘we’re hoping you will sign the order to vacate the adoption from the bench,’ and the judge said ‘I will happily do that,’” MacArthur says. “We had 30 friends in court to show that this case was out of the ordinary — though the judge knew that — and when the judge signed the order our friends burst into applause and I burst into tears.”

The case is the first time in Pennsylvania that an adoption between a same-sex couple has been vacated in order to allow the couple to marry, according to a statement from Clemons.

Ten days later, the two went from father and son to married couple. “We wanted to get the marriage done fairly quickly after the court vacated the adoption,” MacArthur says. “At that point we didn’t have any legal protection so we wanted to get it taken care of.”

The wedding was a small private ceremony conducted by an old friend of the couple’s who is an Episcopalian priest. “I feel incredibly happy. It’s the only way I can describe it – just enormously happy,” MacArthur says. “It was very much worth the wait.”

Original Story

xoxo

LOVE always and forever,

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5 Things Adopted Guys Need To Know Before They Date

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There are certain issues that often come with being an adopted kid. Adopted guys, just like many other men, tend to take much longer to admit that they have issues and to deal with them.   I guess they don’t think people would be very understanding of them having issues because their mommy left them. It’s really much more complex than that. But if you really want to marginalize the issues….”mommy issues” does the trick.  
5 Things Adopted Guys Need to Know Before They Date. 

1 – You are super difficult to deal with when you react out of your adoption issues whilst insisting that you do not have adoption issues. 

If you don’t want to admit you have adoption issues, then at least admit that you have issues. It is ok to have emotions. We all have them. Work through your issues. If you don’t, you’ll be super stressful to date and those adoption issues you claim not to have will successfully destroy every relationship you are in. Take control, work through your issues and successful relationships are yours for the taking!

Continue reading

The 7 Best and Worst Things About Being an Only Child

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1 – You get your way. Simply because you have no competition.

1 – You don’t have anyone to compete with. Competition is a good skill to have!

2 – You get your own bedroom. Continue reading