There are certain issues that often come with being an adopted kid. Adopted guys, just like many other men, tend to take much longer to admit that they have issues and to deal with them. I guess they don’t think people would be very understanding of them having issues because their mommy left them. It’s really much more complex than that. But if you really want to marginalize the issues….”mommy issues” does the trick.
5 Things Adopted Guys Need to Know Before They Date.
1 – You are super difficult to deal with when you react out of your adoption issues whilst insisting that you do not have adoption issues.
If you don’t want to admit you have adoption issues, then at least admit that you have issues. It is ok to have emotions. We all have them. Work through your issues. If you don’t, you’ll be super stressful to date and those adoption issues you claim not to have will successfully destroy every relationship you are in. Take control, work through your issues and successful relationships are yours for the taking!
2 – That person you just met who you think is the first person to ever truly understand you, is not a unicorn. She/he is not your savior. Talk. Learn. Relate. Resist the urge to cling!
3 – A lover will not fill that space left by your birth mom, because they are not your birthmom (unless you happen to be Oedipus. In that case, don’t date, you’re doomed).
This is a bummer because, well, it would of course be nice to fill the space your birth mom left. The only way to do that is to do some serious soul searching, maybe some talk therapy, and heal.
4 – Again, your lover is not your birth mom. Your lover not being your birthmom is a bonus because it also means you don’t need to be paranoid that they are going to leave you or that they don’t love you.
If you find that you are frequently worried that your lover is going to leave you or that they are being dishonest about how much they care for you, then one of 2 things is going on.
1. You have found a person to date, who you should not be dating, because they are not trustworthy and they do not love you enough. Leave.
2. You are struggling with attachment, abandonment and self worth issues and projecting them on to a perfectly lovely lover. Stop it! Go to therapy.
5 – You are more worthy of love than you realize.