The message in the above photo was posted by an adoption page with the caption, “We want to talk to you! You can chat with us anytime.”
I read about adoption constantly and I look for pieces from all different angles. I have found that there are groups of birth mothers who feel like they were duped in to putting their child up for adoption. I must admit that initially I was not quite sure what they meant by being tricked in to giving their child up for adoption……then I saw this.
I was adopted. I love adoption. I think many children are greatly blessed through adoption.
However, when I saw “Yes! You can choose how much contact you have with your child,” all I could do was hope to all goodness in the universe that there was more to this conversation.
The rest of this conversation should have explained that openness in adoption has to be agreed upon between the adoptive parents and the birth parents. It is not completely the choice of the birth mom. The rest of this conversation should have mentioned that the adoptive parents have a lot of say in the amount of openness in the adoption, regardless of what was agreed upon prior to the adoption finalization. It should have also been mentioned that the child may have a say in the amount of openness once they are old enough to express desires and opinions.
I love adoption, but, only if its realities are fully disclosed. I don’t want to discourage birth mothers from considering adoption by any means, but I would like for them to be fully informed. If my birth mom had been told that she had control over how much contact she had with me, and then my parents chose not to maintain contact, I can only imagine how heartbroken she would have been. Adoption already involves a lot of heartache (as well as love) so let’s not add to the amount of heartache by giving shady answers to legitimate questions.
The real answer is more like, “you have some say in how much contact you have with your child, but that say is not legally binding, so try your best to find really trustworthy adoptive parents.”
LOVE always and forever,