5 Reasons Adopted People Won’t Mention That They are Adopted


1. You might ask who our “real” parents are and it is exhausting to explain that our adoptive parents are our real parents. It’s kind of like explaining where babies come from. We would have to try to explain that the people who created you are your “real” parents but the people who created us are not our “real” parents. We would have to get you to consider that maybe your parents aren’t your “real” parents just because they created you, but rather because they raised you. And that if it is the case that your parents are “real” because they raised you, then our adoptive parents are just as “real” because they raised us. But we do also understand that biological ties matter to some extent. We just had to work to bond with our parents a little differently than you had to work to bond with yours. You see… the whole conversation could get very philosophical and one of us might spiral into an existential crisis. Not mentioning that we were adopted = identity crisis averted.

2. You might ask questions that we don’t know the answers to but wish we did.

Q: “Why was I given up by my biological parents?”

A: “Well I haven’t pinned down an exact answer since I don’t know who they are. I’m going to guess it had something to do with me being an accident and them not being ready to raise me. My parents say I was given up out of love which could be true, but I don’t yet truly understand that whole idea of abandonment motivated by love, and there is a fighting chance that you won’t understand it either.”

3. We don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Let’s be real, you don’t know how to react because you don’t want to say anything offensive. It’s awkward for you. It’s awkward for us. Better to just avoid that whole situation.

4. It might spark a conversation about Angelina Jolie and Madonna that we would rather not get in to.

5. We think it will be funny to see the perplexed look on your face when you see our parents who look nothing like us or who look way too old to have a child our age. After that we’ll let you know all about adoption and the creative looking families it creates.

LOVE always and forever,



2 thoughts on “5 Reasons Adopted People Won’t Mention That They are Adopted

  1. Baby Girl S

    Mostly agree, except with #1.

    My biological parents are very much my “real parents”, just as much as my adoptive parents, even though they didn’t raise me. That’s a very personal, individual thing to define and there’s differences even amongst adoptees.


  2. Definitely agree with #3. Adoption can turn a conversation to serious really quickly.
    Not so much with #1. I’m also from open adoption and always felt my biological mom was my real mom. The first time I remember seeing her, I was 4. She came to my home, but I felt that home had come to me. I wanted to crawl into her arms and stay there forever.
    Thanks for openly sharing all you do!


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