A Quick Thought on Relinquished Kids Killing Themselves

Adopted kids have an increased chance of early death.  Is this because of the stress?  Heartache?  Do these things take such a toll on us that we live shorter lives?

Well, maybe the stress does shave some time off as stress does for everyone, but on average adoptees and foster kids live shorter lives because we are just more likely to kill ourselves. 
If an adoptee doesn’t have anyone to help them understand their relinquishment they can go through life feeling abandoned, worthless and unloveable.   They spend their entire lives without a real sense of self.  An entire life thinking ‘who am I?’  I think these uncertainties have a lot to do with our instabilities, including suicide.  Feeling like others won’t accept and  love you and feeling like you don’t know yourself well enough to accept and love yourself ….I can understand why feelings of hopelessness set in.

One day when I was 13 or 14 I told my mom I was going to kill myself.  That day was the only time I have ever seen my mom cry in my entire life.   I think I was just sad and being dramatic, because right after I said it I thought “what? no. I like myself too much for that.  Also, it would hurt.”  I never thought about suicide in a real way.  I never actually wanted to do it.  But I thought about it more than once.  It was less about imagining ending my current life and more about wondering if things would have been better for everyone if I never existed.  I was a mistake after all so what if that mistake never happened?  If that mistake never happened I wouldn’t be here to connect with all of you, so I am super glad my birth parents made that mistake.  I’m probably the best mistake they will ever make.
For all my adoptees out there struggling with the value of their existence.  You are valuable to me.
We all need therapy (I’m at 13 years and going strong) , but there is a whole different type of healing that occurs when you connect with people who really understand you.  That’s why I want to be here for…well, for anyone that needs someone to talk to.
This is just what was on my mind for the moment so it’s not thorough, I know.  
Remember ,my loves, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.  If you are in a hole so dark you can’t imagine seeing light again, then let a helping hand  guide you.
LOVE always and forever,


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