Why Tove Lo’s “Habits” Totally Applies to Adopted Kids

Standard
 “Habits” – Tove Lo
You’re gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I’m missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Adopted kids have issues. Believe me, I definitely have my fair share. Maybe I will tell you about them later.   One of our issues is a predisposition to substance abuse. We are at a higher risk for drug addiction and alcoholism than are conventional children. Is this because of our unaddressed emotional issues about being put up for adoption? Is it because a lot of people with substance abuse problems put their kids up for adoption? I’m not sure. It’s probably a combination of the

2.

I can see how substance abuse is an escape from the emotional pain adopted kids experience. I have been in therapy for 13 years, so I have done a lot of work to understand my adoption issues. My parents were very proactive. But if I hadn’t been in therapy I might be a heroin addict by now!   Knowing my parents I would actually probably be a heroin addict doing my 3rd stint in rehab by now…maybe an alcoholic.

I digress…

“To forget I’m missing you”  Tove Lo’s “Habits” reminds me of adopted kids (I call all adoptees “adopted kids” even if they are 95) because if you replace the word “babe” with some word referring to birth parents (I don’t think there is a word for birth parents that is short enough to replace “babe”, so use your imagination), then the song applies to an adopted kid getting high all their life just to keep you (birth parents) off their mind and to forget they are missing you (birth parents).  “Missing” like almost finishing a puzzle but 1 piece is nowhere to be found, it’s not even under the couch,and your identity is the puzzle. Not like missing a family member that you haven’t seen in a couple of years. 

We miss you all our lives.  I have had my days when my missing piece really felt missing, crying on the floor (that’s where I cry when I’m really upset for some reason), convinced I would be alone forever and no one would ever love me if I couldn’t even get my birth mother to want to be in my life, and wishing I had it in me to find an easy way out but remembering that easy ways out destroy lives, so I had to face my issues… But not all adoptees have the support to help them even begin to know how to face their issues, so they use drugs as their therapist. Have you met Dr.Coke, Dr.Meth and Heroin, MFT.?

“Trying to forget you”    I think about my birth parents every day. I think about myself as an adopted kid everyday. I’m sure I’m not the only adopted kid that does this. It would drive me crazy if I didn’t have the support system I have, if I didn’t have access to answers and…a therapist.  Truthfully I’m a little crazy anyway. There have been times in my life that I was so confused about some adoption issues that you may have thought I had fallen victim to the substance abuse predisposition. But you know, those were short phases. Thankfully I have some friends that my parents can thank for my survival.

There are adopted kids who think about their birth parents everyday and have no one to talk to about it (if any of you are reading this, you can talk to me). Some of them knew their birth parents and were taken away from them, so they know who they are missing. And other adoptees don’t know who their birth parents are so they are, essentially, missing imaginary people. These things are heart shattering and mind twisting and lead to a lot of adopted kids winding up like Tove Lo’s song ——– to forget they’re missing you.

 

To all adoptees: I ♥ you

You are worthy. You are loved.

xoxo
LOVE always and forever,

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P.S.

Some of this applies to people who have one birth parent missing, as well.  1 hurts too.

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